Marco (The Men of Indecent Exposure #1)(13)

"Coming," I called out, letting Naseem know I was on my way. A warning  phone call would've been nice, but given our current status-limbo-I  wasn't about to make a big deal of it.

Smoothing my hair down one last time, I finally opened the door. On the  other side of it, I stared into a very stoic, very somber set of eyes.  The look behind them made me uncomfortable, led me to believe that my  confession had changed us forever. I mean, yeah, I knew whatever chances  we had at a relationship were dead in the water, but …  I didn't think it  was too much to want my friend back. Perhaps this was all just a big,  cosmic sign that all Naseem and I were ever meant to be were friends.

"May I come in?" he asked, faint tones of his native dialect present in his sullen voice.

I stepped aside and gestured with my hand, closing the door behind him.  My palms were sweating and my heart fluttered like hummingbird wings  inside my chest. Communication had been minimal since telling him I was  expecting. There was still only the one stray text exchanged between us.  That was a far cry from our daily phone calls back and forth to one  another and even messages throughout the workday.

"How are things?" he asked, taking a seat on the couch.

I nodded and eased down at the opposite end, clasping my hands in my lap  before responding. "Good. Things are good." That may or may not have  been a lie; I wasn't sure, but it was the first answer that came to my  frazzled mind.

He dipped his chin once. "I'm glad to hear that."

"How's your father? Have you heard anything new?" I piped, trying to  mask my anxiety with over-confidence. Chances are, he saw right through  it.

"According to my mother, he's doing much better. He'll be on the mend for a few weeks, but he's still making progress."

Fresh out of small talk, I nodded and then let my gaze slip to the floor. This, facing him now, wasn't easy.

"Listen, I shouldn't have-"

"I know I dropped a lot on you, but-" I said, speaking at the same time as Naseem. I smiled a little and told him to go first.

"I was just going to say that I shouldn't have left the way I did the  other week, not without finishing our discussion," he reasoned. I  watched the range of emotions he experienced between that sentence and  his next. "Your news was just …  it was a lot to take in."

I lowered my head, imagining that to be true.

Naseem knew me, very well; had since we met on campus when I was  eighteen and he was nineteen-seven years ago. I was the bookworm who  mostly stayed in studying, never really concerning herself with boys and  parties. I could actually count on one hand how many times I drank  while in college. So, there was no doubt in my mind that my news was  hard to take in. Just like he said.

He pushed a hand through his dark hair and then let it settle back on  his shoulders. He was frustrated. I'd seen that look enough times to  recognize it, but it had never been because of me. Never until now.

"I know we were just getting started, Brynn. Trust me, I keep reminding  myself of that fact, but …  maybe because we've been friends for so long …   it just …  never mind. This is silly. I-"

Shaking my head, I encouraged Naseem to continue when his sentence  trailed off. "It's not silly," I assured him, moving closer to place my  hand on top of his. His gaze shifted there when our skin touched. "I'd  like to hear what you have to say," I added, finishing my thought.         

     



 

Hazel eyes shifted toward me and, in that one glance, I felt all the  things he couldn't bring himself to say out loud. It made my heart  heavy. His face, one I always found handsome even years before  acknowledging there was more between us, went slack beneath the thick  beard. I wanted to embrace him, but at this point, I wasn't sure that  wouldn't just confuse the situation further. However, before Naseem and I  were anything, we were friends. Remembering simpler times between us, I  decided to set aside my concern and did what felt natural.

I hugged my friend.

The warmth of his skin against my cheek, the natural, mellow scent of  it, was all so familiar. His soft curls swept over my arms when I draped  them both around his neck. Eventually, his went around me, too. This  was hard for us both, although for different reasons.

Still locked in an embrace, Naseem finished his thought, blurting the  words when a better way of explaining eluded him. "Brynn …  I'm in-" he  paused and my heart raced, filling in the rest of his sentence, but then  he hesitated, taking back what he hadn't yet fully shared. "I …  care  about you," he corrected, next adding, "I always have."

My eyes fell closed as he spoke. I never doubted that his feelings for  me ran deep. Mine for him may not have measured up, but what I felt was  powerful nonetheless. Powerful and real. Because of that, I understood  why my current situation hurt him so much.

The palm of his hand flattened against my back and my heart raced. So close, I was sure he felt it, too.

"I'm so sorry," I breathed.

"Don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong."

I heard him, but felt guilty all the same. This wasn't an instance of  unfaithfulness or deceit, but an apology still seemed warranted. I had  always been very open with him, about everything, which was why I told  him I was expecting almost immediately. He deserved to know not to  invest any more of his feelings or time in me. My life was about to  become a whole lot more complicated in the coming months and I wouldn't  drag him through that.

Now that Marco was as sure as I was of our circumstances, I had no idea  what his plans were. We hadn't had a chance to discuss it since my  appointment yesterday. Would he be around? Was he planning to take an  active role in the baby's life? I wasn't sure, but I wouldn't stand in  the way of letting him be a father. That would, in many ways, give him  access to me and to my life, especially early on. I didn't want that to  make Naseem uncomfortable. That wasn't to say that I would never move on  with someone, but for now, I could only afford to be concerned about  one person-my child.

While I was almost positive Naseem would agree to stay our course, to  continue what we started despite all I had going on, I wouldn't do that  to him. He's an uncomplicated guy who deserved an equally uncomplicated  woman. The kindest thing I could do at this point was let him go. I  wanted him to be happy, even if that meant finding someone else.

Slowly, we unlatched our arms from around one another, but stayed close.

"You've been a really good friend to me." My voice sounded breathier  than usual as Naseem's thumb gently swiped away a tear that streaked my  face. "I know things are changing, but I hope-" I paused when my throat  began to feel tight. Fear rose inside me and I hated not being able to  see what the future would hold for Naseem and I; not being able to see  if our friendship would survive this. "I hope I don't lose you  completely," was all I could say.

He was shaking his head, protesting before I even finished speaking.  Without realizing what was coming, a soft kiss pressed to my mouth and  air rushed quickly in and out of my lungs. The warmth of Naseem's palms  went all through me when he lightly took my cheeks in his hands, pulling  me to him. The kiss was an innocent one, just slightly more intense  than a peck, but it was our first …  and likely our last.

The gesture left me confused for several reasons, but the most pressing  one being Naseem's timing. I'd just, for all intents and purposes,  officially broken things off with him. A kiss right now left me  wondering if my goal for this conversation was as clear as I meant for  it to be; wondering if he understood what my intentions were. I didn't  want to string him along, didn't want him trying to hold on. A clean  break would be easier for us both. I only aimed to mend our friendship  moving forward.

Nothing else; because I had nothing else to give.

He took his lips away and held his forehead against mine, speaking words  that resonated with me, words that made me forget the awkwardness that  occurred only seconds before.         

     



 

"You'll never lose me, Brynn. No matter what," he promised.

One of the things I liked most about Naseem was that he'd always been a  man of his word. So even now, this promise made under such extreme  circumstances, would be kept. I could count on that …  because I could  count on him.





Chapter Seven




Marco

Last night was long and exhausting just like all my Saturday nights, but  I still managed to be up staring at the ceiling by seven. It was Brynn  that kept me awake. Well, it was knowing that we needed to talk that did  it.

Reaching for my cell, I did something Justin suggested before we left  the club last night. He said I should see if Brynn was opposed to us  getting to know one another better, spending more time together. In his  words, co-parenting would be easier if she and I could figure how to be  friends. I agreed with that.