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Loving Jack(4)

By:Cat Miller


Feeling like a guilty but unrepentant sinner, she took Jack's hand and  they walked to her dorm. When they entered the lobby several people  waved to her and several pairs of eyebrows rose at the sight of the man  at the end of her arm. Grace really hoped he would ask to come inside  for a while, maybe even stay the night. Jessie was staying with her  boyfriend, so she wouldn't be back tonight.

Grace was fiddling with her keys and leaning against the door. Jack  moved in close and stroked her cheek. "Do you forgive me for that bean  counting shit earlier? It was a bad way to start a friendship."

He'd said friendship, not relationship. Her heart plummeted but she  smiled through it. "It's already forgotten. Don't you worry your pretty  head about it."

She tried to joke and reached up to touch his face the way he was  stroking hers. He was close, his caress too intimate to be coming from a  friend. What they'd just done on his car didn't feel friendly to her,  but what did she expect? She'd given him the green light within a few  hours of them meeting. Suddenly she was feeling nauseous. Fuck! She  didn't want to be his friend!         

     



 

"I . . . I need to tell you something. I like you, Gracie." There it  was. He said he liked her. And he called her Gracie as he had when he'd  upset her at the diner earlier. It's as if the don't-be-mad-at me  nickname used to soften a blow. She hated it. Grace looked down at the  keys in her hands. She didn't need to look into his eyes when he blew  her off.

"I like you a lot actually. What we just shared, well that was fucking  amazing. So I want you to hear this from me." Jack ran his fingers down  her arm and took her hand, linking their fingers. He hesitated then,  rubbing his thumb over the pulse point at her wrist. Her heart was  pounding. Christ, what was the big secret? Did he have a girlfriend?  Shit! Why didn't she ask that question earlier? Look at the man! Of  course he has a girlfriend!

"Can we step inside?" he asked. "I'd like a little privacy." Grace  blinked rapidly and turned to unlock the door. Jack was so close to her  back his breath was teasing the hair at the nape of her neck. This  wasn't how she'd envisioned inviting her into him room. There was an air  of impending doom. Once inside she offered him a seat at her desk but  he declined, so she sat there instead while she waited for the other  shoe to drop.

It was insane that a man she'd only met tonight had her guts in knots.  She tried to remind herself that he was a stranger and whatever he had  to say shouldn't matter this much. But from the moment he'd taken her  hand, Grace had felt like they would be connected forever. She never  would have had sex with him if her heart hadn't been so sure he was  special.

He went to one knee in front of her so they were eye to eye and rested a hand on her knee. "I'm hoping you can be open-minded."

"Just tell me, Jack." She laid her hand over his on her knee.

"I'm bi," he admitted. The statement fell heavily between them like stone.

Wait. What? Her mind struggled to absorb those two little words. He  couldn't mean what she thought he meant. The man before her gave no hint  of being anything other than a lady's man. He was masculine in every  way. She'd just received a firsthand demonstration of exactly how  masculine he could be. Grace instantly felt horrible for stereotyping.  It was wrong in the extreme. Still she just couldn't imagine Jack with  another man.

So she asked, "By what?"

"I'm bi-sexual, Grace. I tend to prefer men, honestly."

He was quiet for a moment while that sunk in. She couldn't respond at  first. What could she say? She wasn't sure what was happening. Did he  want her or not? Could she handle a relationship with a bi-sexual man?  The idea swam around her brain a few times.

"Say something." He looked anxious. "I don't know what it is about you,  Gracie, but I want you. I've never had a problem announcing my sexual  orientation before. Fuck! It's like I don't want to disappoint you or  something. Can you deal with this?"

She cleared her throat. "To be clear, are you talking about starting a  relationship here? A relationship between you and me, or were you just  looking to scratch an itch? I can deal with you being bi-sexual." At  that he took a deep breath, looking relieved. She continued. "I'm  heterosexual. I only like men, but I don't run around sleeping with  every man I find." She blushed. "You wouldn't know that by my behavior  tonight. I'm hetero and I'm also monogamous. I might have slept with you  but I'm also not seeing anyone at the moment. I don't share."

She knew then, when she started to imagine them as a couple, even after  he'd shocked her with his news that she could deal with his sexual  orientation. As long as he was faithful as she would be. She took a deep  breath before asking the question that was burning a hole in her  throat.

"Are you seeing anyone now?"

He paled and nodded, "I'm dating a few people but no one exclusively.  I've never been exclusive with anyone. Ever." She took that in. This  wasn't looking good for her. She yanked all of her scattered thoughts  back into line.

"If you're suggesting a one on one relationship then we can talk about  this. But if you're looking for random sex whenever a female strikes  your fancy, then I'm not interested."

Jacks eyes widened. "I've never . . . you know, been in a relationship  with a woman. I've fucked women." The crudeness of his honest thoughts  on the women he'd slept with shocked her and it must have shown on her  face. She was just another fuck. Outside he'd said, "I wanna fuck you  hard against this car." And she had agreed.         

     



 

"Shit, I'm making a mess of this. I don't know what I want. I've never  considered an exclusive relationship with anyone, because I knew I  couldn't be faithful. I don't know if any single woman or man could  satisfy me at this point in my life."

"Then what the fuck was that outside?" She was losing her temper but it  really wasn't him she was angry with. Grace was furious with herself for  being such an idiot. "You seemed pretty satisfied to me. I don't really  know what to think here, Jack. Why did you bother coming in to tell me  this?" She stood up and walked to the window. Looking at him was making  her chest ache. Why did she have to do this head-over-heels shit now,  with him? "What do you want if not a relationship?"

"I just told you I don't know what I want! All I know is I met this  awesome lady tonight, okay? She's smart and funny. She's so damn sexy I  couldn't keep my hands to myself. I wanted to tell you in the car. But I  just couldn't get it out."

Now she knew what his strange behavior had been about. "I figured none  of it mattered if we didn't have serious chemistry. So I kissed you to  see what would happen. I was testing my own reaction to your sweetness, I  guess. I'm not used to the timid brainy type." She stiffened. "I didn't  mean that in a bad way. I'm just saying you're not my usual type,  that's all. Then you fucking took over and I lost it! I'm used to being  the aggressor. I'm always in control, Grace, always. I set the pace in  my bed. But you grabbed me by the hair and took what you needed. It was  so fucking hot. I needed you. I just . . . I needed you."

Jack wrapped his arms around her from behind and kissed her neck. "I'm  sorry, okay? I haven't reacted to anyone that way, male or female in a  long time, maybe not ever. But I know I'm not ready for a one on one  relationship. Not yet, anyway."

Grace turned in his arms and hugged him back. This could go no further and it hurt far more than it should.

"That really sucks. Because it sounds like you can't give me what I need  either." He looked into her eyes and saw the truth of her statement. He  wasn't ready for a monogamous relationship. She had to give him credit  for putting it out there right up front, but she couldn't be his go-to  girlfriend when the need for female companionship struck him.

Grace released Jack. She went to the door and held it open for him. She  needed him to leave before she started to cry. This was only one night  out of her life and one awesome guy that couldn't be hers. She would get  over it. But he had to go now. Jack dragged his feet a bit as he  crossed the threshold and started down the hall.

"Hey, Jack." She called to him. He turned back to her, looking hopeful. "Let me know if you ever change your mind."

He smiled sadly, "You let me know if you ever change yours, Gracie."





TWO





"I'm not going and that's that."

Grace pulled the covers over her head and tried to ignore Jessie. They'd  planned to go skiing, but Grace just wanted to stay in bed, order  pizza, and watch old movies all weekend. A little Breakfast Club and  some St. Elmo's Fire would be her only companions. Well maybe she'd let  Ben and Jerry come over for a visit. Grace had just heard of a new  flavor called salted caramel core and that sounded like an excellent way  to waste some calories.