Forever Pucked(3)

Charlene is sitting at her desk, chewing her nails and pretending to do  some kind of research. When she sees me she grabs my arm and yanks me  into her cubicle. "Why aren't you crying? Didn't you get fired?"

"No. Stroker didn't can my ass."

Charlene sighs with relief. "I'm so sorry. He rarely comes down this  way." It's true. Junior accountants usually only see the boss-man in the  conference room on meeting Monday, which was this morning. "Let's never  take pictures like that again while we're at work."

"Agreed. We should have waited until I got home. Then we could've posed  the beaver on the bed so it looks like he's taking me from behind, or  holding my boobs."                       
       
           



       

"Such good ideas. So what did Stroker say?"

"I'm presenting to Mitch Darcy and his wife next week."

"You're what?" she practically screeches this, so anyone within earshot,  which is most of the office, peeks their head over the edge of their  cube wall.

"It's okay, everyone. I told Charlene I'm thinking about going vegan."

Jimmy seems to have returned from his coffee break. He looks suspicious,  and rightfully so-I'm the first one to order a Philly cheesesteak when  he gets takeout-but he's on the phone, so he goes back to his call. The  rest of the office is used to our ridiculousness, so they resume  whatever they were doing, too.

I lower my voice to a whisper. "I get to present."

"That's a big account," Charlene whispers back.

"I know."

"That's amazing."

I know she means it, but I recognize the wistful look in her eyes. We're  close, but we're still competing with each other, and with Jimmy and  Dean, for a senior accountant position when it comes open. Being allowed  to present to one of the bigger clients gives me an advantage over  everyone else.

The people who don't like me at the office are really going to hate me now.





2


Cardboard Cutouts

are Terrifying



VIOLET





I get a text from Alex at the end of the day telling me they're still  hours from home. I'm super disappointed. And I swear not just because I  won't get to have awesome sex after a week with only Buddy the Beaver-my  super-special vibrator that actually looks like a beaver-to take care  of my orgasm needs. As cute as it is, it's a poor replacement for Alex's  dick. And the rest of Alex, too. I miss him.

Charlene checks her phone, smiling secretly. I imagine she has messages  from her boyfriend, who happens to be Alex's best friend and teammate,  Darren Westinghouse.

"How's Darren feel about bromancing it for another night with Alex?"

Charlene glances up. "Oh, uh, you know-disappointed he doesn't get to spoon with me tonight."

"My beaver needs something to hug, other than synthetic dick," I grumble.

Charlene pats me on the shoulder. "You've waited a week. What's another day?"

"I have MC separation anxiety."

I don't get how she can be so unaffected by the delay, but then Charlene  and Darren's relationship is a little weird-and not like Alex and me  weird. Darren's a quiet guy, and private, so the media attention their  relationship has garnered, and all the odd speculation about it, means  they've had a few rough patches along the way.

Plus, Charlene can be flighty. She falls out of love as fast as she  falls into it. That they've been dating consistently, or mostly  consistently, for well over half a year is actually amazing.

"Why don't we go out for dinner somewhere? We can celebrate you getting to present the Darcy account."

"I don't know if I feel like it … "

"We can leave your car here. I'll drive so you can have a drink, and I'll drop you off at home."

"What about tomorrow morning?"

"I'll pick you up."

"Really?" Charlene can barely make it to work on time as it is.

"It's supposed to snow like this all night. If we're late tomorrow, we can blame it on the plows," she suggests.

I glance out the window and look down at the streets below. They're  blanketed in white, and traffic is stupid: people honking, sliding, and  braking. I don't like winter driving all that much, and definitely not  with this kind of traffic. Charlene is a much better driver than me, not  that I'll ever admit that to her. Now that I don't have anyone to go  home to, I guess dinner out sounds like a decent option.

"Yeah. Okay. Maybe I should call Sunny and Lily to see if they want to  join us. We can all be dickless together." Sunny is Alex's younger  sister. She's dating Buck. In January she moved from Guelph to Chicago,  which is a cute little city in Ontario, Canada. That's where she and  Alex grew up.

Her house in Chicago was purchased by Alex. She pays rent, but instead  of putting it toward the mortgage, he puts the money into an investment  portfolio for her. That's all I know about it because Stroker deals with  Alex's account directly. Which is fine. Sometimes I feel like Alex  wants me to do it, but I'm not comfortable with the insane amount of  money he makes. Not yet.

Seeing how well he takes care of his family tells me what I'll be in for  when we get married, and sometimes that makes me nervous. I don't want  to be responsible for investing it as well as enjoying it. Like I said,  at least not yet. I mean, my yearly salary is less than the cost of the  car Alex recently bought me. With cash.                       
       
           



       

Lily is Sunny's childhood best friend who also moved to Chicago  recently. She lives with Sunny, and she's dating Randy "Balls"  Ballistic, Buck's childhood best friend and another Chicago hockey  player. I call him Horny Nut Sac-sometimes to his face, sometimes behind  his back. It's super convenient that we're all hockey hookers. We hang  out a lot when the boys are traveling for away games.

I pull out my phone, ready to send Sunny a message, but Charlene puts a hand up. "I'm on it. You pack up."

I shrug and shut down my computer, throw a few files into my laptop bag,  and grab my coat. Charlene reappears at my cubicle, ready to go. "Sunny  suggested we find a restaurant close to their place since they're both  already at home."

I make a face. "It doesn't have to be vegan, does it?" Sunny doesn't eat  animals or animal products. I don't have a problem with this, but if  I'm not getting Alex's meat stick tonight, I might as well indulge in a  burger or something equally disgusting and bloat-worthy.

"Lily says the restaurant has a wide selection. Plus, she doesn't think it's a good idea for Sunny to drive in this weather."

I sigh. "Fine." It makes sense to go that way, and not just because  getting downtown would take forever in this weather for Sunny and Lily.  Going to them will put us halfway to Alex's. And Sunny is a worse driver  than me, which says a lot.

Charlene and I lug my stuffed beaver to the elevator. We get a few  strange looks, but most of the people in our department are unfazed by  us now. Charlene takes the tail, and I hold the head as we slip and  slide down the slick sidewalk to the parking lot across from our  building. Charlene and I should've parked our cars in the underground  lot this morning, but there were no spots left. With Alex and Darren  away, we sometimes have sleepovers and stay up too late. Then we have a  hard time getting out of bed in the morning. Last night was one of those  times.

Getting the beaver into the trunk of Charlene's car is a feat, but after some shoving and punching, we squeeze him in.

It takes three times as long as usual to get to Sunny's neighborhood.  The traffic is terrible. I'm definitely glad I didn't drive or we'd be  in a ditch.

We end up at a cute little place that isn't just for people who don't  eat meat. They do, however, have a nice selection of food without faces  for Sunny. I browse the menu. Even with the heat on full blast in  Charlene's car, and our cozy spot in the back of the restaurant, I'm  still frozen.

"Maybe I should get the French onion soup and the mozzarella sticks."

Charlene frowns. "Is that really a good idea, Vi? Onions and cheese?  Those are, like, the worst combination in the world for you."

I'm moping because I won't get to see Alex tonight. Eating dairy is how I  cope with stress and disappointment. However, it will also cause me to  moop later. Dairy is hard enough on my system; add onions to the mix and  I become lethal to anyone within a ten-foot radius. "Alex won't be home  to witness the aftermath."

Lily and Sunny exchange a look.

"Yeah, but what if the aftermath runs into tomorrow like it usually does?" Charlene says.

I ponder that for a moment, before reluctantly agreeing. "Good point."

I decide on a burger and fries, hold the onions, but I add a glass of  wine. I don't need beer bloats to go with the burger bloats.