Filthy Beautiful Lust(13)

She nods. "Okay, thank you." Her voice is small, and I'm unsure how to read her.

But I don't stand there pondering it for long, because Max has zipped out the door and Kylie gives chase. I follow behind.

After I make sure they're settled, I head into the kitchen with dinner  on my mind. "I don't really have any groceries … " I never have groceries.  I eat the majority of my meals out, but she doesn't need to know that.  Staying in, alone, at my place is something I rarely do, actually. I get  too bored. It's too quiet here. I'd rather go over to Colton's or  Collins' place, and I do, most nights of the week. "Are you guys okay  with takeout?" I ask.

"Sure, takeout's great," Kylie says.

"Pizza or … " I'd been about to suggest sushi, until it occurs to me that infants probably can't eat sushi.

"Pizza is fine with us. Thank you. Let me just grab my wallet, and I can pay for half."

"Your money is no good here, woman." I treat her to a friendly smile,  but my tone is firm, so she'll understand I'm serious. I can provide a  safe place for her and her son as well as a meal. I don't know why it's  so hard for her to just accept a little help. I get the sense she's not  used to leaning on people, but it's still frustrating.

Thankfully, for the rest of the evening, Kylie lets me help with all the  tasks that require two hands, like cutting up Max's pizza into small  bites and screwing the lid on his sippy cup. But she watches me intently  the entire time, as if she's trying to figure out my angle. I thought  I'd already made that perfectly clear-I told her I liked her. I normally  wasn't so forward with my feelings, but she made me act differently.  And I was only fully starting to understand that.





Kylie





I need a moment.                       
       
           



       

In between Pace suggesting we play house, Max finding his treasure trove  of condoms, and discovering what my brain already instinctually  knew-that the man was hung like a stallion, and not to mention the bed  situation-I am overwhelmed. I'm tired. I'm crabby. And my arm hurts.

I can't believe Pace was really willing to give up his bed for us. When I  questioned him about it, he'd shrugged me off like it was no big deal. I  don't know what to make of his comment about not bringing women home.

Even as sore as I am, I'm determined to care for Max on my own, if only  to prove that I can. If things get awkward here, I need to know I can go  home and be fine. Plus it scares me to count on someone. I don't want  to need someone who isn't going to stick around. I don't want to have to  depend on somebody only to have them leave a hole when they leave.

After changing Max's diaper and wrestling him into pajamas, I laid him  down in the center of Pace's big bed and surrounded him by a mountain of  pillows. Then I grabbed my cell phone and snuck into the adjoining  master bath to call my friend Rachel. I need a moment to myself-to vent  or to get advice-I'm not sure.

"Hey Kylie," she answers. "How are you, mama bear?"

"Not great, actually," I admit, sinking to the edge of the large spa tub.

"Talk to me, babe. How's Max? Teething again?"

"No, actually. Max is great. It's me who's a mess." I relay the key points of my current predicament to her.

"Why am I just now hearing about this man?"

"That's your question? I tell you I have a broken arm and that I'm not  sure I should be staying here and that's what you want to know about?"

"Of course I want to know about him, because clearly you've been keeping  something from me if you're close enough to a man that he's taken you  and Max into his home. Who is he? How did you meet him?"

"He's my boss's little brother."

"Little, huh?" she asks. I can hear the smirk in her tone.

"Trust me, there is nothing little about him." I hadn't exactly meant to  say that out loud, but Rachel's answering snort tells me that I had.

"He invited you to stay, so what's the problem? Why are you overthinking this?"

"I don't want Max to be confused about who this man is in our lives when I don't even know the answer to that question."

"He's one year old, Kylie. You don't need to have all the answers. Besides, you're allowed to have male friends."

"I suppose so." Logically, her argument makes sense, but it doesn't mean I am comfortable with it.

"You shouldn't worry so much, it causes premature age lines."

I laugh, it's a much needed break in the tension, and feels good.  Friends. I could be friends with Pace. Couldn't I? I scrub my hands  through my hair. Why does this all feel so overwhelming? "I don't want  to give Pace the wrong impression by agreeing to stay here. He's  probably going to think this is some kind of casual hook up."

"A man who invites a woman with a child into his home isn't looking for a casual hookup, Kylie," Rachel says.

He's not? But this is Pace.

"Is he hot?" she asks next.

"What? I don't know."

"Of course you do. Use those green eyes of yours. Is he attractive?"

"Y-yes," I stammer. I feel warm and frustrated, and I'm not sure why.

"Then presumably he has no problems getting laid. And a woman with a  baby isn't casual hookup material. No offense, honey," she finishes.

"None taken." My days of casual flirting and innocent hookups were over.  I have bigger responsibilities now. "So what should I do?"

"Do you feel safe around him?"

"Yes," I answer. "Unequivocally."

"Okay, then. I think you should stay and accept the help. You know I'd invite you over here, but it's a bit of a circus."

"I know. It's fine." Rachel shares an apartment, in typical LA style,  with three other girls and one guy. The place isn't overly large to  begin with, and it's always a mess. No thank you.

"I wish I could help."

"No worries, we're doing okay. I better get back out there before he realizes I'm hiding in his bathroom."

"You do that. But Kylie, would it really be the worst thing in the world to have some fun with an attractive man?"

Reading between the lines, she's telling me to pull the stick out of my ass and live a little. "I'll consider it," I say.

"And one more thing, you do realize you have the world's cutest baby, right?"

"I do." Max looks just like Elan, who was an attractive man, but Max is a  cute as they come. Big, bright blue eyes, but with olive skin and dark  hair-nothing like my pale skin and auburn hair. The only downside is  that looking at him is a constant reminder of the man who left. As  horrible as it sounds, it's also made me wonder if another man could  really love my son. He doesn't look like me. If he loves me, but doesn't  see Max as a part of me, how does that work? It's a thought that  occupies my brain late at night. Pace seems to like Max just fine. I  know Rachel would tell me I'm being foolish and to quiet my inner  self-doubts. "We'll talk soon," I say, rising to my feet.                       
       
           



       

When I head back out to the living room, Pace has cleaned up the plates  from dinner and is sitting on the sofa with a bottle of beer in one hand  and the remote control in the other.

"Is he down?" Pace asks, looking up and locking eyes with me.

"Yes, he's asleep. Are you sure you're okay with us taking your bed?" I ask.

"Of course. I wouldn't have offered if I didn't mean it."

I nod. I'm beginning to understand that about him-he doesn't do or say  things just to impress. There is meaning and depth behind everything he  does.

"I know you said you don't drink much, but there's more beer, if you want one."

"I'm fine, thanks." I sit down beside him, realizing that the last time  we were alone on a couch, I mounted him like a horse and rode him. No, I  certainly don't need to add alcohol to the equation. Geez, I'd be  bucking against him like a bronco.

"I think I'm going to call it a night," I say, stifling a yawn. It's  only eight o'clock, but the meds I took earlier have made me sleepy.

Pace's eyes drift from the television over to me, and he slowly surveys  my body. "Are you going to need help getting in and out of that  contraption?"

I glance down at myself. I have a cast and a sling over the top of that,  holding my right arm still and against my body. Honestly, changing  clothes and showering is probably going to be difficult to do one-armed,  but I will manage somehow. My cheeks flame bright red just thinking  about Pace's big hands moving against my skin to help me disrobe.  "I-I'll be okay."

"Suit yourself," he says, his low voice rumbling in the silent room.

"Good night." I want to thank him again for his hospitality, knowing Max  is sleeping peacefully in the other room and that we're safe and taken  care of for the night makes my chest feel tight. But I tip my head to  the floor and scurry off to the bedroom. After checking on Max, I grab a  pair of pajamas from my bag and head into the bathroom to change.