I guarantee you, if you do, you'll be following me into something that makes this seem like a boring walk in the park.
But you won't know till you come find out.
2
The New York Daily Journal
It’s Time for Us To Come Together!
Gossip Central on Page Eight. From the Desk of Vicky Durner - All the gossip you never even knew you needed to know!
Good morning Gotham!
Hope you enjoy a nice spraying of cum on your face with that coffee and toast! Because that's exactly what we got yesterday with Magnus Davion at the New York Nailers arena.
In case you just spit out your coffee reading the above line, fear not, brave denizen of New York City. You did read that correctly.
Billionaire real estate mogul Magnus Davion was so happy with his recent purchase of the New York Nailers that he went ahead and began to celebrate by having sex in the skybox of the stadium—during a home game.
I know that in the Tri-State region we try to give billionaires their due. After all, they've managed to accrue all this money so it's only natural that we give them an opportunity to enjoy it. But honestly, if you're going to be enjoying it by sticking your giant rod into the head cheerleader of the team that you bought in the skybox of the stadium where there is a game going on, maybe think about closing the blinds?
Because it didn't take long for the cameras to find Magnus. And when this showman found himself on the JumboTron, did he shy away?
Of course not.
He doubled down.
And sprayed the cheerleader in the face with his love gun. To the cheers of over 50,000 fans.
I'm sorry, but I thought I was going to stadiums to watch football games. I didn't realize I was going to Nailers Arena to watch the live re-enactment of Debbie Does Dallas.
Is this really the kind of environment we want our kids to grow up in?
Do we really want the next generation of New Yorker men to aspire to one day shoot their ejaculate onto a woman's face in front of 50,000 cheering fans?
Because that's exactly what we're doing by rewarding such gross and boorish behavior from Magnus Davion.
How exactly are we rewarding it you ask, my fellow Gothamites?
Consider our tax dollars that we pay to the city of New York. Those tax dollars are being used to procure services from real estate developers.
Think of the Equinox Tower, one of the most iconic and celebrated building projects in the world. Once it's built in three years, it'll be the tallest building in the world.
And right now, the City of New York, which is the landlord for the site, is considering a host of developers to carry this project forward. The chief contender?
Yep. You guessed it.
Davion Development.
It's time for us to put a stop to this.
It's time for us to draw a line in the sand and say that we're done with the filth washing up into our homes. We're done rewarding bad behavior.
I call on all New Yorkers today to join me in telling the city and the state to pull all contracts and refuse to do business with any business entity that's controlled by Magnus Davion.
Start sending him a message that it's not okay to be so focused on yourself that you don't care about anything else.
That it's not okay to be the baddest boy on the block.
That it's time to join the human race.
Let's bring our voices together, New York. And let's be heard.
Until then, keep your ears to the ground, New York. I'll be listening!
3
Penny
Monday morning. Most people hate it, but not me.
I think there’s something exhilarating about the start of a new week. New challenges, new opportunities … you’re probably rolling your eyes at me right now. I know, I know—I’m one of those people lucky enough to have a job that they love. What can I say? I fell in love with words when I was young, and that love kept on growing and growing until I became a reporter.
Ever heard of Gossip Central? Of course you have; I bet you don’t miss a single column. Well, I’m the gal (or, well, one of the gals) behind the keyboard. I know the byline under each column says a certain Vicky Durner wrote the piece, but that’s just part of the show. It’s a pen name, you see? A nom-de-plum if you want to be fancy about it. Because I, Penny Wright, am the one cranking out these columns. Okay, I’m not the only one working under the name Vicky Durner, but I sure as hell am the most prolific.
I’m only twenty-one and, now fresh out of Yale, I want to prove to the world how good I really am. That’s why I work so hard, and that’s why I’m this cheery on a Monday morning.
I know the name Gossip Central might have you rolling your eyes again, but don’t get too hung up on the name: there’s serious journalism in these pieces. Gossip is fun (I’m not above a good afternoon of it), but I also care about this city where I grew up, and I hope that shows in what I write.