Darker Side of Desire & the Sheikh's Pregnant Prisoner(40)
No.
He shoved away the chivalry, crushed the very code of honor he had embraced early in his life after hearing whispered taunts about his parentage.
He’d always been discreet about how he’d indulged his lust, had cautiously distanced himself from Tariq and his wild, orgiastic parties.
All because he had been determined to not be the cause of some woman’s distress.
The only time he had weakened, the only time he had forgotten that he could never let any personal attachment distract him was with Lauren. And her betrayal plunged the dagger the deepest because he had thought her above it.
If she had left, if she had disappeared…he would be unaware of the existence of his child. Just as he hadn’t known of his parentage until just a few years back.
She tucked herself into the leather seat, retreating as far back as possible, as though she didn’t trust him. The irony of it would have amused him if he wasn’t seething with the need to punish her.
And he knew how to punish that independent, strong mind of hers, knew her weakness. An insidious thrill shot through him, cooling the edge of his anger.
“You’re bluffing,” she finally said, trying for defiance but failing.
He stretched his legs, settled into the seat opposite her and took his own sweet time answering.
Let her stew in fear, he thought with a bitterness that spread like an infection. Let her wonder what the powerful, arrogant sheikh would do with her now.
He had her where he wanted, he realized, excitement pulsing in his blood. And there was a freedom in knowing that she was like any other woman.
“Try to leave Behraat and see.”
Little beads of moisture pearled over her upper lip, despite the air-conditioning.
“You’re angry, I get that. But consider reality, Zafir. We’re talking about a child here. You can’t decide you want it now and then put it away when something more important comes along.”
“You dare to preach to me of the intricacies of parenthood? Let us not delude ourselves of what this is really about.
“The fact that I walked away from you. I didn’t pander to what you wanted, so you pay me back by robbing me of my child.”
“It. Is. Not,” she whispered, her long legs uncoiling from under her. “I was furious with you, yes, but I’ve accepted that our…relationship meant nothing to you. I—”
“Your actions speak otherwise.” He moved toward her, his mind reeling with infinite questions. “What would you have told my child? That his father didn’t want her or him, that he rejected him?”
She bolted from the seat, her arms around her midriff, her breasts rising and falling. “I would never lie to my child.”
“Only its father then.”
“I didn’t lie to you. And I… I would have let you know eventually.”
“Eventually?” He shot up from the seat, his temper seething again. “It was not your decision to make.”
Her lithe form bristling with emotion, she poked him in the chest. “You’re accusing me? You’re the ruler of a nation, Zafir.
“You ruthlessly bury anything if it clashes with your rule. Can you blame me in thinking this baby would only be an unwanted complication? That its well-being, even its mere existence would be so far down the list for a man whose first priority will always be Behraat, a man who’s on the verge of getting married to another woman?”
A smile teased the edges of his mouth, and he let it.
He took another step forward, forcing her to step back until her back hit the wood-paneled wall of the craft. He slapped his palms on either side of her, his gaze dropping to her mouth. She bristled with energy yet her breath was slow, chunky.
Striking flame to oil, that’s what it would be if he touched her. That’s what it had been from the second he had laid eyes on her.
“Now I see how your mind works. You heard rumors about my wedding and thought ‘here he is propositioning me and getting ready to marry another woman’?
“So I’ll rob him of the knowledge of his child. You pride yourself on being a smart, educated woman, yes? Didn’t it occur to you to talk to me once?”
Her breathing becoming raspier. “This was not payback, Zafir.”
“No? Although in a twisted way, it shows that you were jealous at the thought of my wedding.”
Something very much like a growl erupted from her. Her hands fell to his chest, fisted tight and pushed him back. He tucked them into his own and held his footing, her knuckles digging into his palms. “I’ve no desire to feature in a man’s life for whom my only value is the pleasure I can provide in his bed. One who will discard me at a whim.”
Tension turned those high cheekbones into tight angles, her mouth quivering and fighting.
“I’ve been lied to, dropped off like a pet at a relative’s door, got picked up for a summer, got dropped off again by my own parents so many times in the name of duty, ambition and whatnot. I don’t want my child to feel like that, okay?
“I won’t allow you to do that.
“Will he or she ever come first with you, Zafir? Over anything else, over Behraat, over your precious duty? Because that’s what this child means to me.”
He stilled, her words striking him like a whip.
She was right. A child deserved better than lies and excuses, better than being used as a pawn. His own childhood had been a lie and he couldn’t tolerate it.
He wanted to brush her concerns away, but the stark pain in her gaze wouldn’t let him. “Whatever else I’m unable to give this child, it will know that I love it. And I will use everything within my power before I let you corrupt its mind against me.”
* * *
Lauren swayed at the coldness of Zafir’s threat.
His resentment was like a force field she couldn’t penetrate. His anger, she was beginning to understand barely, but there was a glimmer of pain in it that disconcerted her. “If you care about the welfare of the baby, then let me go, Zafir. I would never deny your rights.”
“No,” he said, his voice raised enough to reverberate around them. “Get this into your mind, Lauren, for once and for all. I will never let a child of mine grow up without knowing me,” he said, “nor will I agree to be a stranger who lives a million miles away.”
She slackened against the wall. “Then we have a problem.”
“I do not see one.”
Her stomach tightened into a knot. He was too calm, too sure of his own mind, which sent panic rippling along her nerves. “I live in New York, you live here. I’d call that a major problem.”
“Your life in New York is over.”
His will was like an immovable, invisible wall. And still, she tried to bang away at it, because the alternative was unthinkable. “You can’t dictate what my life is, force me to turn it upside down. I’m not one of your minions.”
His gaze became hard, his tone relentlessly resolute. “If you want to be a mother to my child, you do it in Behraat.”
“You’ve got to be…” But no, he was not joking. Lauren’s gut knotted so hard she couldn’t speak for a few seconds. “I don’t see you prepared to give up anything. How about it, Zafir?”
He smiled, the bitterness in it sharp enough to cut her.
She could see the axis of her world tilting, every preconception she’d ever harbored about Zafir crushed by the autocratic man in front of her. There was nothing civil or kind about him anymore.
There was nothing but a chilling frost.
“Can you give the baby the best care by yourself in New York, living in that little dingy studio while working night shifts six days a week? You have no family to help and your friends…other single women who work just as hard as you do.
“Who will watch the baby while you work round-the-clock shifts? Who will help you when you walk in the door barely able to stand on your own feet?”
His words rang with logic, piercing holes in her plans, shredding her armor to pieces. “And if I don’t agree?”
He shrugged and she fisted her hands, filled with the urge to hit him, to do anything to shake that cold mask so strong that it frightened her. “Then you will be free to leave Behraat once you give birth, to your hassle-free life.”
His gaze moved to her midriff, and she hugged herself tighter. “My child will have everything it requires except a mother. And who knows? It’s even possible that it might be better off without its deceitful mother. What is the guarantee that you will be a good one?”
Her shoulders shook, bile rose through her. She swallowed to push it back, to hold back the scream clawing its way up her throat. And yet, he stood there, staring at her, no concern or any other emotion in those golden eyes, the true man behind the stranger she’d known in New York. “You’re doing this to punish me.”
“You decided to leave without giving me a choice, but I’m generous. It’s your choice whether you want to be a part of the baby’s life.”
“That’s not a choice, that’s an ultimatum.”
“No, Lauren. My decision would have been the same had you come to me.” There was a resigned finality to his tone. “Our child would have had two parents who respected each other, trusted each other. You would have had a say in the child’s future. Now, you’re only a glorified babysitter. I will never again trust you.