I had to shake my head at the realization that I'd have preferred not to meet my true mate in lieu of knowing of my child months ago. Braxton had to be right. That was not normal.
Mischa was explaining things quick and precisely. "I started to get sick, this aching pang in my stomach which really hit hard when we reached the Romanian sanctuary. Eventually I went to a healer and he ended up dropping the bombshell on me. I made him check twice. He was also the one who figured out how I ended up pregnant when I had still not had a noticeable fertile period."
Her fingers stilled along the smooth rocks, and finally her eyes rose to meet mine. I could see fires burning deep in their depths. "You had Cardia by then, and Jess was missing. I didn't know what to do, and then the dragon king's daughters, the twins, started hanging around me. They were so … persuasive. I was an idiot. I should have known better than to let them manipulate my thoughts and emotions. I'm so very sorry for the part I played in Larkspur's rebirth. Everything which led to that … final battle."
She'd already apologized to me once about Cardia, and instead of accepting her heartfelt sorrow I was kind of wishing she'd stop mentioning it. The darkness inside was starting to wind around my memories of Cardia. Starting to taint the bond even further.
Pushing this aside, I decided to address the other part of Mischa's apology. Larkspur's daughters and their evil ways.
When we'd had to run to the supernatural sanctuary, to protect her and her sister from being found as dragon marked supes, Mischa had fallen in with the dragon king's daughters. Manipulative bitches, they messed with her head, and got her to help them free the king.
It wasn't really her fault though. We should have been looking out for her. She knew nothing of our world. She was naïve and easily targeted. If anyone was to blame, it was me for rejecting her so brutally, and our pack for getting so caught up in other bullshit that we failed to hear her cries for help. I'd been wanting to tell her this for a long time:
"It's not your fault, Mischa. The supernatural world is kill or be killed. You didn't grow up here and that makes you vulnerable. You're just too innately soft and trusting. There's true goodness inside of you. The fact that others took advantage of that, well, the fault lies squarely with them-and with us for not being there for you."
I had never been angry with her about this, even when others were looking for a place to leave their blame.
Her face crumpled just slightly before she pulled herself together again. "I want you to know that I planned on telling you first about the baby. I never breathed a word of it until the day before the final battle. You still hadn't come near me, and with the stress of Larkspur's control … well, I broke down with Jess and confessed everything. Please don't think that everyone knew about it behind your back and was talking about you or anything … " She took a deep, shuddering breath. "Of course, once the belly popped out there was no hiding it, but before that I kept it quiet."
It was interesting the way she phrased those words. Something told me Mischa had spent a lot of her life in the dark, having others know more about her life than she did. It clearly bothered her.
"I don't blame you, Mischa. I accept full responsibility for what happened."
She seemed to calm then, finally uncurling her legs and stretching them out. Following her lead, I extended my much longer legs out across the rocks before me. I let her words mull through my head. She had been so alone. Well, no longer. I had no idea what life was going to bring us in the next little while, but Mischa would not have to doubt me again.
The stillness of nature enveloped us, and even though I could have sat there in relative peace for days, I knew it was not safe to keep Mischa outside the protective barrier any longer. Especially if there was anarchy afoot with both the bear shifters and Kristoff.
I rose silently, preparing to reach across and help her to her feet, but she was already up and moving before I could. My vampire didn't like that. I pushed the beast down as I followed her back toward the forest.
On the edge of the tree line I reached down and placed a hand on her biceps to halt her, before bending to scoop her into my arms. Before I could, though, she slammed a flat palm against my chest. Her strength and fiery expression brought a smile to my lips.
"I have feet and legs. I do not need to be carried around. I'm not Jessa."
This little wolf was finding her fangs.
Under normal circumstances, I would feel the need to defend my best friend, but I knew Mischa had not meant it as an insult. She was trying to differentiate herself from her twin, and she, like everyone else in the supe world, probably thought I was in love with Jessa. I wasn't, not anymore. Not ever really. My pack mate was the most infuriating, amazing, sarcastic, pain in the ass, and I wouldn't want one second of life without her, but she didn't stir my blood the same way Cardia had. Not even the same way Mischa did … does.
Shit, it was all so damn confusing.
I realized I'd never really told Mischa any of that. She deserved to know, especially now.
"I need you to know that I've never confused you with Jessa. Not really. Even when my emotions were a bit tangled between the two of you, I saw you, Misch. Only you. The timing was not the best for us, but under other, more normal circumstances, I think we could have had a shot at a chosen mateship."
I was only speaking the truth, a truth I'd had many hours to contemplate.
She stared for many moments, then the slightest smile graced her lips. "Thank you for telling me that. I believe that too … but it's too late now," she said, not unkindly. "So much has happened, and there's too much baggage. But I would be a liar to say that I'm not grateful to hear that our time together was not about you and Jess."
I shook my head. "I see similarities between the pair of you, but you're both very different supes. Not just your upbringing, but the fundamental parts of your personalities. You're both amazing shifters, but … " I let the briefest of smiles escape then. "One thing neither of you do have is long legs or vampire speed, so for now, if we're going to make it back to Stratford before nightfall, you'll need to accept my help."
She gave me stony eyes for a second and I could see her actively trying to figure out a way to get around me carrying her. Eventually, though, she gave a final glance down at her belly and let out a whoosh of air.
"Dammit! Okay. Thank you."
I didn't hesitate, having all the permission I needed to reach down and scoop her into my arms. Her slight weight was nothing as I held her close to my chest. I could hear the baby's heartbeat again, and what sounded like tiny hiccups. A damn miracle. I was the luckiest vampire alive.
Okay, yes, I had lost my true mate. But even that pain was dulled by the roaring joy brought about by the sound of my child's heart.
Mischa was silent for the first half of the journey back to Stratford. Eventually she started to wiggle around, lifting her head to see me. I could feel the heaviness of her stare. I knew something unpleasant was coming in the next conversation.
"Why are you not more broken up about Cardia?"
Fuck. Unpleasant, heavy, and impossible to answer.
"Ty said you'd be completely different, but … you're not." She paused for a moment. "Actually, you are different, because you're being nice to me … how you were when I first came to Stratford. I mean … I bring you news that you're going to have a baby, something I'm sure you expected to do with Cardia, and … dammit … "
She never cursed normally, and combined with her babbling it was clear she was both flustered and embarrassed. I could feel the heat of her skin as she fought for words.
"I'm making a mess of this conversation. Curiosity got the better of me, and I hope I didn't upset you."
She fell silent, and I could sense her withdrawing back into her more reticent personality. Which I did not like at all. Shit, I had to try to find the right words again, but Cardia was a sensitive point for me. Mostly because I had no fucking idea what the hell was going on there.
"Misch, I don't know what to tell you. A baby is a wonder and gift no matter what circumstances brought it about. Yes, I did lose my mate, and I have been trying to dig myself out of darkness ever since. Your news seems to be the very thing for me to start clawing my way back to the light."
My arms tightened even further, hugging her slight form closer to me. "Cardia and I were … complicated. Braxton said something to me about the true mate bond that I didn't like. That's why we were fighting. He believes … he believes she wasn't really my true mate, that she couldn't be because of the strange nature of our relationship … some of the distance between us."
Only the faerie gods themselves would know why I had decided to share this information with Mischa. It had always been like that though. From her first night in Stratford when I'd walked her home, we'd talked about everything as if we'd known each other forever. That was the magic this wolf shifter held, and I had no explanation for it.
Her expression was carefully blank. "How could that be possible? True mates have a bond, right? You can feel each other and stuff."