Kenny sat down on a black leather club chair and flung him a look. "Seriously? Dad, you barely ate anything. I'm the one who ate like a pig. You're skin and bones."
Evan hadn't gained any weight since he'd been discharged from Havilland and he hadn't been paying attention. "I guess you're right," he said. "You did eat way more than I did. But I'm still not used to eating that much." When he drank, alcohol tended to make him look swollen. It also made him hungry. Without alcohol, he had to remind himself to eat otherwise he would forget.
"Can we watch Star Wars tonight?" Kenny asked. He'd seen each Star Wars movie at least a dozen times and it had become a ritual to watch them together. Kenny had been fascinated with the Star Wars saga since he'd been a kid. As child, he'd even worn Star Wars Halloween costumes. He'd been every male character in the film. And he'd thought it was hysterical the year Evan had decided to dress up for Halloween as Princess Leia. Thankfully, Kenny had no idea that Jeffery thought Evan dressed up as Princess Leia was even more entertaining. That night he'd fucked Evan for so long he had bruises on the back of his legs the next morning.
"Of course we can," Evan said. "But let's sit and talk for a few minutes." He hadn't been alone this way with Kenny in a long time and he wanted to get to know him as a young adult. He knew there were still hints of him as a child, but for the most part he was almost grown. He wanted to know the kind of man his son was going to turn out to be.
Kenny placed the TV remote on a glass topped table next to the chair and said, "What should we talk about?"
"What's Mr. Savione like?" Evan asked.
"He's a good teacher," Kenny said. "I like him."
"How would you feel about me going out to dinner with him?"
Kenny hesitated for a moment. He tended to think first before he replied to any question. This time it took a little longer. "What about Dad?"
Evan shrugged and said, "I'm not sure how he'll feel about it. Your father and I have a complicated relationship that is very personal. We've talked about seeing other people and we both agreed it's okay as long as neither one of us gets emotionally involved." He'd never actually talked about this openly with Kenny. He wanted to do it because he suspected Kenny had to be wondering about their arrangement.
"I'm not sure I understand," Kenny said. "If two people love each other I don't get why they can't live together and be happy with that."
Evan laughed. "I'm not sure I understand it either, kid. But that's how it is right now and there's not much I can do to change it. You know I love your dad, and you know I have never talked down about him to you. And I never will do that. But he's a complicated man and I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to change him anymore."
"But you still love Dad," Kenny said. He seemed genuinely curious.
Evan smiled and said, "I love him more now than the first day I met him. But I'm not sure love solves all the problems in a relationship. I used to think it would. But not anymore."
"It should," Kenny said. "And I know Dad loves you."
"How do you know that?"
"I asked him and he told me basically the same thing you just said."
This comment from Kenny caused a tug in Evan's heart. He wanted to change the subject because he didn't want to discuss anything with Kenny he wasn't sure he understood himself. "Would you be okay with me going out to dinner with Mr. Savione?"
"I guess it would be okay," Kenny said. "As long as I don't have to call him Dad or anything like that."
Evan laughed and said, "Oh God, it's nothing like that. I promise you. It's just dinner and that's it."
"But you'll talk to Dad about it first," Kenny said.
"Of course I will."
"And what if he says it would bother him?"
Evan looked up at the ceiling and sighed aloud. "I'm not sure I can answer that right now."
"This is just a suggestion," Kenny said. "Maybe it might be a good thing if you went out with Mr. Savione, especially if it bothers Dad. This way he might get really jealous if he thinks there could be something serious with you and Mr. Savione."
He sent his son a glance and said, "How did you get so smart?" He'd been thinking the same thing but he didn't want Kenny to think he was devious that way. He knew Jeffery would never forbid him to go out with Carson, but he also knew Jeffery never hid his anger.
"I'd like to see you happy," Kenny said. "And I don't want you to start drinking again."
"I'm sorry for everything," Evan said. "I once swore I'd never do to my kid what my dad did to me with his drinking, and I wound up repeating the same mistakes all over."
"I didn't know your dad had a drinking problem," Kenny said.
Evan's dad had died long before Evan had met Jeffery and adopted Kenny. "My dad didn't think he had a problem either, which is how he wound up driving into a tree on his way home from a bar one rainy night when I was fifteen years old. I still don't think I've forgiven him for that." He sat up and leaned forward. "I don't want you to end up feeling that way about me. Of all the horrible things in the world I can think about, that would be the worst."
"You broke the cycle," Kenny said. "You at least admit you have a problem and you've gone for help. That's a huge difference than what your dad did."
For a moment, Evan sat back and thought about this. While he'd been beating himself up over his drinking problem, he'd never actually realized he had done things differently than his own alcoholic father. "Thank you for being so forgiving."
"I'm not that forgiving," Kenny said. He stared down at his lap to avoid Evan's eyes.
Evan felt a sharp pain in his stomach. "What do you mean?"
"I never forgave you for moving out of the townhouse and moving back here," Kenny said. "I felt as if you'd abandoned me."
This was hard to explain to his son, but he had to try. "I'm not always tough enough to deal with your dad. I had to leave and it had nothing to do with you. I was afraid if I didn't leave he would wind up consuming me completely. And I didn't want to ruin your life either. At the time I was out of control and I knew it. And although I regret having to leave you, I don't regret leaving that situation. I did the best thing I could at the time and I can't apologize for that. The only thing I can say is that I wish things had been different for you."
Kenny glanced into his eyes and shrugged. "I'm not saying I had a bad childhood. Hell, you should hear what I hear from other kids in school. Some of them have moms and dads who are divorced and they fight all the time. I know a few kids who have to spend two days at their mom's house and then the next two days at their dad's house. It just keeps rotating that way forever. That would freak me out. I like to be stable and know where I'm going to be every night when I come home from school. I also know kids who have stepmoms and stepdads and that's even worse. I guess I've been pretty lucky for the most part. I have two dads who love each other, they never fight, and they always put me first."
Evan stood up and he crossed to a cabinet where he kept the DVDs so they could watch Star Wars. He sent Kenny a backward glance and said, "It's going to be better from now on. I can't promise anything with your dad. But I can promise you that I won't be drinking anymore. And, I'm glad you're living here now."
Then he turned toward the DVD player and pushed a button. It felt good talking to Kenny about these things. He only wished that craving for a drink would go away, at least for a few minutes. He wanted one even more now than earlier.
Chapter Seven
"I wanted to talk to you about something," Evan said. It was Saturday morning and Evan had been disrupted from a deep sleep a half hour earlier thanks to Kenny's music and all the banging around he'd done in the kitchen. It was the first time he'd been up before ten in the morning in long time.
"How's Kenny?" Jeffery asked. He was calling from the West Coast. "Did he move in last night? I haven't spoken to him yet."
Evan yawned and said, "He's fine. He moved in last night, and this morning I woke to the lovely sound of Mumford & Sons blasting in the kitchen. He went to football practice." Actually, Evan liked Mumford & Sons, but not before noon on a Saturday.
Jeffery whispered something Evan couldn't make out. "Do you have someone in bed with you right now?" Evan asked.
"I thought we agreed not to discuss it when we have sex with other people," Jeffery said.
They had agreed to this, only Evan hadn't been happy about it then and he still wasn't happy about it now, all these years later. The thought of another man in bed with his husband made him want to throw the phone across the room. But he couldn't complain, so he said, "I can call you back later when you're alone."
"No," Jeffery said. "He just went into the shower. I can talk."
Evan rolled his eyes and took a quick breath. It was all so casual and comfortable for Jeffery. He actually felt good about what he would tell Jeffery next. "Kenny's English teacher asked me out to dinner and I wanted to talk to you about it. This is the first time something like this ever came up and I'm not sure how dating fits in with our so-called open marriage."