"Were you in love with him?" Elroy found this unusually arousing, but he didn't want to ask for details he knew Kyle would never give.
Kyle laughed this time. "I thought I was for a while. I couldn't think of anything but making love to Jeremy. But I finally realized I wasn't. I told Jeremy I wanted more and I was tired of sneaking around with him. This happened at the end of our senior year and I knew it was time to either move forward or end it once and for all."
"What did Jeremy do?"
"He laughed in my face and called me a fucking fag," Kyle said. "Then he told me he wasn't a fag and that if I ever told anyone what we did together he'd kill me with his bare hands. He even grabbed me by the throat and showed me how he'd do it. He was stronger and I was scared. I was devastated for a while, but I got over it. I wound up meeting a guy at my part-time job in a restaurant and we started seeing each other. But we never had sex. I wouldn't let him have sex with me until I knew for sure he was the right man. I think people have too much sex. That's when I officially came out of the closet. It was the first time I actually brought a guy home to meet my family. My mom and stepdad didn't know how to react. And Jeremy was livid that day. He seemed to resent the fact that I'd come out and that I had a boyfriend, as if he were embarrassed to be seen with me."
"Well, it stands to reason," Elroy said. "After all, the guy was boning you."
Kyle tiled his head sideways. "Why would it matter?"
"He was probably jealous," Elroy said. "Guys like Jeremy are possessive that way. They don't want you, but they don't want anyone else to have you. I've seen that before."
"I don't know," Kyle said. "Looking back on it all, I now see Jeremy is just an asshole. And I was a bigger asshole for not seeing it sooner."
"What happened to the boyfriend from the restaurant?" Elroy asked. "You never had sex with him?" This was hard to believe.
"We're still friends," Kyle said. "He went to school in Los Angeles and we still keep in touch. But we weren't in love. We made out and did safe things, but never anything with penetration. He wanted to have sex, but I refused. After what happened with Jeremy, I found it hard to trust any man. I still cringe when I think of him calling me a fag. I'd never felt that way before or since- like trash."
"I understand doing the safer things in bed," Elroy said. "I have a lot of friends like that. We just jack each other off."
Kyle sent him a look and said, "I'll bet you do. Now tell me your deep dark secret. I told you mine."
Chapter Ten
Elroy finished his drink and moved closer to Kyle. He was so close he could smell the Southern Comfort on his breath. He lowered his head and said, "I'm not sure I can talk about it. It's just too painful for me."
Kyle put his arm around him and spoke in a soft, comforting tone. "You can tell me. It's okay. You should never be afraid of your innermost emotions."
He leaned into Kyle's side and rested his head on Kyle's soft shoulder. This was turning into an Oprah Winfrey show. "It's just that it was so traumatic I get all filled up thinking about it. I've never told anyone about this before. I don't want to cry in front of you." He hadn't cried since his mom's and dad's funerals.
Kyle seemed to enjoy this. He caressed Elroy's head and said, "Don't ever be afraid to cry. I think that's a sign of strength in a man. You need to release your emotions sometimes."
"You do?"
Kyle stroked his head again. "Yes, it's sweet, too." Elroy took a quick breath and said, "Okay, here goes. But
would you please put your other arm around me? This is so hard." He wanted to feel Kyle's body up against his. "Sure, I will," Kyle said. He put his other arm around Elroy as if he were cradling him against his chest. "And cry all you want. I don't mind."
Elroy inhaled his spicy scent and said, "It happened my senior year while I was in boarding school. I fell in love with an older man who had a wife and kids. One weekend his wife and kids went to visit his wife's mother in Boston and my older boyfriend had the house all to himself. He asked me to come over and spend the weekend with him and I refused at first."
"Good for you," Kyle said. "I think that was wrong of him. He shouldn't have put you in the position. He was married and had kids. He shouldn't have been cheating on his wife in the first place. Things like that never end well."
"I know that now," Elroy said. He sniffed a few times and continued. "He told me he was in love with me and that we would one day be together. I was so in love with him I would have died for him if he'd asked."
"Did you go to his house that weekend?" Elroy nodded. "Yes, I went there, against my better judgment. But I had to see him. I was in love with him and I couldn't stand being away from him. I showed up late on a Saturday night, around eight o'clock. He had a wonderful candlelight dinner prepared for us. We ate and drank champagne, and wound up in his bedroom a few hours later."
"In his wife's bed?" Kyle asked.
"Yes. I told you it's hard for me to talk about this."
"Don't stop now."
"You promise you won't repeat any of this?"
"Not a word," Kyle said."Well, my older boyfriend had a few
kinks I should mention first. He liked me to dress up. Up until that night I'd kept it simple. I'd wear high heels and stockings and sometimes a long blond wig. I didn't like doing it, but I told you I was willing to do anything to please him."
"Oh, you poor thing," Kyle said. "Tell me more."
"That night he wanted me to put on one of his wife's negligées, a slinky black see-through affair. He must have had it all planned in advance. He had a long blond wig, black high heels, bright red lipstick, and long red fake fingernails. So I went into the bathroom and put it all on, willing to do anything to please the man. By the time I came out of the bathroom, he was already in bed naked, waiting for me. So I climbed into bed and we started making love. I hated doing it. I've never been into that sort of thing. But I would have done anything to please him."
"That is so sad," Kyle said. "It just breaks my heart. You poor thing."
Elroy wiped a tear off his cheek and sniffed back. "But it gets worse. While we were making love, his wife came home unexpectedly and found us in her bed. I was on my back, wearing her black negligee, with my legs up in the air. He was fucking me and just about ready to come." Elroy lowered his head to Kyle's lap and sniffed his crotch. "I'm not sure I can continue. It's too painful."
Kyle continued to caress his head. "You'll feel better once you get it out. I'm here for you, you poor thing."
Elroy lifted his head to Kyle's chest again and said, "The wife ran to a dresser and pulled a small handgun out of the bottom drawer. It all happened so fast I still get confused thinking about it. At the exact moment my boyfriend came, she shot him in the back six times and he fell on top of me, dead."
As Kyle held him tighter, Elroy put his arms around Kyle and he started to sob.
A minute later, Kyle kissed the top of his head and said, "What happened after that?"
"The wife must have phoned the police," Elroy said. "Or maybe one of the neighbors called them. I'm not sure. Two big, strong policemen came and they put a jacket around my shoulders and took me to the police station."
"They took you to the police station in his wife's negligee? While you were wearing high heels, a wig, and lipstick?"
Elroy nodded. "They insisted I go that way."
"I can't even imagine how horrible that must have been."
Elroy wiped more tears from his face and said, "When we arrived at the police station, the three big cops locked me in a cell and they took turns fucking me."
"Huh?"
"They all fucked me senseless."
"Oh my God, no," Kyle screamed in horror this time.
"Then they brought in more cops and they all took turns fucking me." Though Elroy tried to hold back, he couldn't keep a straight face. He stopped crying and started laughing so hard his stomach hurt. When he said, "Then the cops made me suck them off," his body fell sideways and he rolled around on the floor, laughing, landing in a fetal position.
At first, Kyle sat there gaping at Elroy with a terrified expression. When he realized Elroy had made up the entire story, he stood up and threw the bottle of Southern Comfort across the room. "I can't believe you just did that and I fell for it. I thought we were sharing a warm tender moment together. I thought we'd finally reached a new level of friendship and all the time you were making a fool out of me."
Elroy stood up fast. Although he still couldn't stop laughing, he grabbed Kyle's shoulders and said, "But we did reach a new level of friendship tonight. I wasn't making a fool out of you. I was just having a little fun. Seriously, man, think about it. I haven't had this much fun talking to a guy in years. And we were wearing our clothes the entire time."
For a moment, Kyle let a smile slip. But he caught it in time and said, "Why do you have to be such an asshole all the time?"
Elroy stopped laughing. He stood in the middle of the room and stared at Kyle for a moment. Then he said, "You're so trusting. Do you really think I'd dress up in drag and let some married guy fuck me in high heels? You make it so simple for me sometimes I can't help myself." It sounded more like a question than a statement. But it was the best he could do.