Babysitting a Billionaire #3 - Taking Control(25)

Her frown deepened, and she studied his face. "Why are you being so nice? Why can't you go back to being a prick?"

"I am nice." He picked up her hand, brought it to his mouth, uncurled her fingers and placed a kiss in the center of his palm. "Don't you think I'm nice?"

She looked away for long moments. "No, actually I don't. But I don't think it matters whether you're nice or not. I hate you, remember?"

"Maybe. But ten years is a long time to hate, and I think you're tired of hating me."

She shook her head. "I don't know what you want here, Declan. Absolution? If so, then you have it. You're absolved. I forgive you for dumping me." 

"Maybe I want another chance."

Shock flared on her face, darkening her eyes to midnight, and she tugged at the hold of his hand.

He held on tight. "I know you feel something."

She sat back in her seat, her gaze flicking over him. "Okay, you want the truth. Yes, I feel something and that's the very reason why I'm going to finish this job and then I'm going to get as far away as I can from you."

"What happened to facing your fears? I never thought you were a coward."

"Well, maybe you never really knew me." She took a deep breath. "You obviously want a good honest heart-to-heart, get things out in the open. So okay, here's how it is. Ten years ago you broke me."

He winced. At the same time, he was surprised that she would admit that much. Her hand was still in his, and he tightened his grip on her as though she might bolt. "You always seemed so strong."

"Maybe I'm a good actress. Oh, it wasn't all your fault, I was a mess before I met you and-"

"Why? What happened to you? You never talked about yourself back then."

She shrugged, and he was sure she wasn't going to open up, then she started talking fast, "My parents died when I was ten. I wasn't really over it when I met you. I blamed myself. They were doctors, working for a charity in Zambia. They took me with them and I loved it. But then I got ill. Malaria. They died in a small plane crash taking me to hospital. I was the only survivor."

"Hardly your fault."

"Oh logically I know that, but we don't see things so clearly when we're young."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, I'm over it. But my point is you were the first person I allowed in, the first person I trusted, the only person I allowed myself to love after they died. And you let me down."

"I know." He ran a hand through his hair.

"I thought we had something special. Hell, I know we had something special. And you just walked away like I didn't matter."

"You mattered."

"Not enough."

This was killing him. He hadn't expected her to be so open, and he had no clue how to deal with it. Also, despite her honesty, there was a sense of separateness to her as if she was already distancing herself. He had an inkling this wasn't leading up to any sort of let's-forgive-and-forget-and-fall-in-love-again statement. And that wasn't how he wanted the evening to end.

"So you see," she said, "whatever I feel for you now, whatever I think we could have is irrelevant because I just don't want it. Yes, you're a great fuck and no man has ever made me feel the way you do, but I will not allow myself to fall in love with you again. I won't allow you to break me again."

"We're different people now, Jess. We were kids. Things won't be the same this time."

"No, they won't because I won't allow them to be. I'm not sure why you've had this change of heart, but really it doesn't matter. You walked away last time. Walk away again."

"I can't."

"Then I will." She tugged her hand free and this time he let her go. Rising to her feet, she stared across at him.

Declan pushed back his chair and stood up. No way was she walking out of here without him. "You said until the job was over. We have two more nights, Jess."

"You still want to sleep with me?"

"Hell, yes."

 …

She was drained from all the confessional stuff and from fighting her need for him. At the same time, she felt strangely clearheaded. As though setting it all out for Declan had made it clear to her as well.




 

 

Yes, she was a coward.

But it was a matter of self-preservation. He was a weakness ingrained in her character. Where Declan was concerned, she was all or nothing. She wouldn't risk all again. So she had to accept nothing.

But being in contact with Declan and not touching him was driving her insane. How close had she come earlier today to giving in, giving them both what they wanted? What they needed.

Once this job was over, she would never see him again. It would take time to get over him, to forget, but she would do it. She was strong.

In the meantime, why fight it?

As she gave in, a wave of weakness washed over her and she reached out and rested a hand against the tabletop.

"Let me take you home," Declan said.

She gave a quick nod and then searched the room. She found Kim and Dani leaning against the bar, drinks in hand, watching her. "Give me a minute," she said to Declan and walked across to where they stood.

"So have you kissed and made up?" Kim said.

"Not exactly."

"You know he likes you," Dani added. "He's watching you now. He doesn't take his eyes off you."

"Like a stalker," Jess suggested, glancing across to where he stood. He looked so beautiful tonight, more like she remembered him from all those years ago. Still in his suit, but his tie was gone and his shirt open at the throat. His perfect image was unraveling. "I'm going to take a rain check on tonight," she said. "Declan and I have things to … talk about."

"Of course you do." Kim leaned across and kissed her on the cheek. "Call us if you need us."

Jess nodded and headed back to Declan. They didn't talk as they made their way out of the bar and onto the street. She was vaguely aware of Declan's bodyguards following them, but they kept their distance.

It was only ten minutes' walk to her flat, one of the reasons they usually met at that particular bar, and they strolled along in silence not touching. She let them into the ground floor flat and then peered through the window. Steve was outside on the street, leaning against the wall. The other man was nowhere in sight, probably looking around the area. It was weird being on the other side of the bodyguard thing, but then she pushed them from her mind again and turned her attention to Declan.

He wandered around the small sitting room, lightly touching things as he passed. The place wasn't much, but it was hers. She'd bought it outright with money her parents had left her. It was small but in a convenient location.

She shrugged out of her jacket and tossed it onto the sofa. "You want a drink?" she asked Declan.

He shook his head. "I want you." 

She forced her lips into a smile. "Well, you can have me. For one more day." She thought he was going to argue, spoil things, and she wanted this, didn't want to make him leave. She held up a hand. "No more talking. We've said enough."

She turned around and headed out of the room, down the hall to her bedroom. Declan followed her in and the door closed. After reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of condoms and tossed them on the bedside table. She hadn't realized how small the room was, most of the floor space taken up by the huge bed. She liked to sprawl.

She strolled around the bed, tugging her T-shirt over her head on the way. She toed off her boots and then stripped off her jeans leaving her in a plain black bra and panties. His eyes were fixed on her as she reached behind her and unclasped her bra, then pushed the panties down over her long legs and stepped out of them to stand before him naked. She pulled the band that tied her hair loose so it fell around her shoulders and she ran a hand over her scalp easing the tension.

He hadn't moved, his gaze intent as it roamed over her body. "You're so beautiful."

She stepped toward him, her fingers trembling as they flicked open the buttons of his shirt. After dragging it down over his shoulders, she ran her palm over the satin skin of his chest, scraping over the nipples to come to rest on his belt. She opened it with fumbling fingers. Heat and need were building inside her, concentrating at her breasts and between her thighs. Finally the belt came undone, and she flicked open the fastener and lowered the zipper.

He took over then, pushing the pants and boxers down over his long legs, kicking off his shoes, until he too was naked. And so beautiful, he made her chest ache. Her gaze ran down over his lean ridged belly, then lower. He was already fully erect, his shaft vertical against his stomach, long and thick, pulsating under her stare.

His hand cupped her around the back of her neck, drew her the last few inches that kept them apart. Every nerve tingled, every inch of skin prickling with need.

Usually the sex was hard and fast, as though they had a point to make, but from the first gentle touch of his lips, she knew tonight would be different.

He took her mouth with long, slow, wet kisses, angling her head so his lips slanted over hers, his tongue filling her, stroking her everywhere, her lips, her teeth, the sensitive roof of her mouth, until her head fell back and she allowed him to do as he would.

"So beautiful." He slid his hands down to her waist and picked her up. For a second he held her cradled against his chest, then he lowered her to the mattress, coming down beside her. "I need to be inside you so much. I've been going mad these last few days, seeing you, not touching you."