***
The Halloween decorations had just been taken down and Angelique was thinking about Christmas. She was looking forward to the holiday with an anticipation she hadn't felt since she was a young girl. In less than two months she would be holding her baby in her arms, she would be able to see the joy on her husband's face and be able to bask in his love. She felt the joy of die impending holiday more fiercely after her doctor confirmed that her due date was December twenty-fifth. She felt like a Madonna, more closely connected to her family and her spirituality. She wanted to truly celebrate the holiday this year in a big way. And she reminded Donnie of this often.
"When can we get our tree? I want a live tree, I want a really big one that'll smell up the whole house," she told him.
Donnie laughed affectionately at her enthusiasm. "Angel, we can get anything you want, you know that. But can't we wait until Thanksgiving at least? Do you know what a live tree does if you get it too early? It dries out, that's what it does. I'll be sweeping up needles until the Fourth of July."
They were getting dressed to go to church and she was enjoying the sight of her man doing a reverse striptease as he put on his crisp shirt, then his pleated midnight-navy slacks. He tucked the shirt in and zipped the pants, then realized he had an audience.
"Quit looking at me like that, you know where it ends up," he scolded.
"I'm behaving, honestly I am," she said playfully. "I just like to look at you, is that so wrong?"
She was sitting on the side of the bed struggling with her panty hose. "I truly hate these things. These are inventions of the devil, they really are."
"So don't wear them. Isn't that the style, to go without them?"
"You've been reading my InStyle again, haven't you? I'm too Southern to go to church barelegged unless it's really, really hot out." She issued a deep breath after getting the hated things on. Rising with difficulty, she grimaced and sat down again, heavily. Rubbing her tummy, she asked Donnie to hand her the dress she'd selected. "The navy-blue one with the white collar and cuffs, please."
After donning the dress, she made it to the bathroom to brush her hair and use the facilities. By now Donnie was also ready, completely attired in his dashing suit and looking very elegant. He had thoughtfully brought her shoes, which he would slip on her feet in the living room.
"I feel like Cinderella when you do that," she said dreamily.
He grinned. "That must make me a prince."
"You're my king," she corrected him. "Can we have two Christmas trees? One in the living room and one in the dining room. Maybe one in the game room, too," she said thoughtfully.
"You are obsessed with Christmas," he said with a grin. "Yes, we can have as many trees as you want. We can have one in our room, in the baby's room; the dogs can have one, for all I care. We'd better get going if we're going to be on time."
"We can put doggy treats on their tree," she said happily. "They have to celebrate, too, you know."
Her due date added to the family speculation about the baby's name. She and Donnie made up a series of ridiculous baby names with which to tease the family. "Crayon if it's a boy, and Crayola if it's a girl," they'd say. Or, Vernor for a boy and Ginger Ale for a girl. The worst was Livernois for a boy and Dequindre for a girl. Nobody believed that they would really name their child after a city street, but with those two, one never knew. After church everyone converged on Big Benny and Martha's home for brunch and the speculation continued.
Donnie and Angelique smiled widely when asked if they'd picked a name yet. "Yes, we're calling it Jingle if it's a boy and Belle if it's a girl," they chorused.
Later, when Angelique was in the kitchen helping Martha prepare brunch, Martha commented on Angelique's demeanor. "You know something, dear, I think you're a lot happier," she said gently. "Not that you exuded misery or anything, but you just seem more content, more relaxed. It's so nice to see you like this."
Angelique was a great fan of Martha Cochran. Martha was still trim and graceful and had a quiet charm that had served her well in all her years of arranging tours at her successful travel agency. She'd finally sold the agency, but her innate grace was just a part of her nature. She had silvery hair cut into a fashionable short bob and her dark brown skin simply glowed. Angelique couldn't resist giving the older woman a hug. Martha had always been very kind to her, even before she moved to Detroit. And Martha was dead on the money because ever since her mother's visit, she had been much more at peace with herself.
She and Lillian had had a long talk during her visit, a talk that ironed out a lot of misunderstandings. The morning Donnie and Lillian had their heart-to-heart Angelique had overheard much of their conversation. After Donnie left for the office, she and Lillian had lingered in the kitchen over coffee and Angelique's inevitable herbal tea. After a few moments of comfortable silence, Angelique told her mother that she'd overheard the conversation.
"I wasn't deliberately eavesdropping, I couldn't help it," she said apologetically. "But I don't want you to think you were a bad mother, Mama. I wasn't a very good daughter."
Lillian's eyes had filled with tears and she contradicted her. "How can you say that, Angel? I'm your mother, darling, it's my job to understand you and nurture you."
"Even if I made that impossible? Come on, Mama, you know I was a difficult child. I was spoiled rotten and I was angry all the time. I was like a little wild animal and you know it."
"I know no such thing. When you were a baby, Angelique, you were the sweetest little thing in the world. You were very spirited and lively, but you were also uncommonly sweet. You were one of those babies who was always smiling and easygoing, such a joy to care for! You loved taking baths and you let me dress you in the girliest little dresses, and put bows in your hair. I could change your clothes three times a day and you didn't protest The only thing you hated was being confined. I found that out when I put up a baby gate. You went wild, Angel, you screamed the house down until I removed it. It was the same thing with a playpen, you just couldn't abide it. If I put you down and told to you sit there, you would. You'd be right there when I came back. But if I tried to restrain you in any way, ooh, girl it was on," she said wryly.
Angelique was fascinated by this account. "But, Mama, after I started school and my grades were so bad, I got so angry at everyone. I was mad at my teacher, mad at the counselor, mad at you, I think I was mad at Daddy for dying, too. I was so miserable and so hostile, how could you have loved a creature like that?"
Lillian slammed her hand down on the table. "I could have tried harder, Angelique! I should have been more understanding, I should have kept you at home instead of sending you to that school, I should have done more to let you know that you were my heart, my little girl and no matter what it took I was going to make it better," she cried, her voice full of self-recrimination.
Angelique was crying now and they hugged each other tightly. "Mama, look at us, we look like a family on one of those tell-all talk shows." Her attempt at humor seemed to work, as both women laughed nervously. "You did the best you could, and I know in my heart that you did. That's why I was able to change my life, change the way I was living. You made that possible because you took me to church every Sunday and I learned about God and forgiveness. I always knew that if I asked God to forgive me and make me a better person, He would. And when A.J. got sick, that's what I did," she said simply.
"What do you mean, dearest?"
"When A.J. got that brain tumor, I thought my world was over. You have no idea how much I loved him and how much I needed him in my life. I don't mean I loved him like a boyfriend, although I did have a huge crush on him for a while. I mean, he taught me so much about photography and about life that I thought I would die if he didn't get well. He was too good a person to die. I prayed every day, every hour that if God would spare A.J., I would change. I told Him I'd be a better person, a less selfish person if He would just spare A.J. And He did, so I had to keep my promise."
She took a last sip of the tea that was now stone cold, but she didn't seem to notice. "Mama, when I went traveling with A.J., it was the most humbling experience I've ever had. I couldn't even conceive of the kind of poverty that exists in some parts of the world. The diseases, the famine-it was incredible. I had taken my entire existence for granted and it made me so ashamed. That's why I eat everything that's on my plate, no matter if I like it or not, because I at least have enough to eat. I can turn on the water and it comes out clean and fit to drink; there are lots of places where that doesn't happen. Even in this country, Mama. But what am I telling you this for? You've always been active in charities. And so am I, now," she said proudly.